A Collection of Absurdist Bedtime Stories (Vol. 2)

    I was at school because I needed to learn how books worked. There was no librarian, so I took the books and a librarian appeared from the library school. She had orange hair and orange clothes, but she was nice. Then my daddy was there and we sat on a comfy couch to read four books. The librarian sat next to us so she could help us with the books, but then my lovey mommy came and sat wherever she wanted.

    I asked Mommy's foot about a bus and it said, "what?"  So I hid with Rexy and we rode a cat-bus all the way any where. And the cat-bus was my friend and we were snuggly.  Then I read the books with the cat-bus, the librarian and mommy and it was like any other book that the librarian read to me. It was cool. Oh, wait, I forgot to tell you something: the book was about dinosaurs, or dragons.  YEEEEEAAAAAHHHH!!

The End

  (Isaiah, aged 2)

    That rhino-butterfly has a complex.  It seems like he shouldn't be that angry, being so beautiful.  Maybe he needs to get his ears clipped; perhaps he just needs to grow it out.

  (Nathaniel, aged 27)

    It was dirty.  Very dirty--just the way I liked it.  Nothing could have made it clean enough for Mrs. Jenkins, or dirty enough for Ralph the Skag (what a jerk!), but it likewise couldn't have been better for someone like me.

    Would you like it? I can't rightly say, but if you're anything like me then it would suit you like a butterfly on a poppy: a little flap of blue-green on a rambunctious red: smooth and spikey, all at once--just like I like it.

  (Gabriel, aged 33)

The Story of Aha-b'zurg (1/4)

    She was majestic, beautiful, and good; her will was strong and beyond the pall of doubt; all that stood in her way was there to be overcome.  Her name was Aha-b'zurg.

    Princess of the fairy dragons, she liked to eat stuff that was not food. She ate fire-truck toys that tasted like chocolate, because they were fun and yummy.  She was the kind of girl that lived in the best of both worlds.

    

    One day she ate real food, and when it went in her mouth it was not food. Aha-b'zurg had lost her ability to eat normal things. While she could always go back to eating those mixtures of toys and treats, fun food was not always good for her and she knew it. Sometimes you have to do what's right, or at least her mother and father seemed to think that one should; they certainly said it often enough! Aha-b'zurg, on the other hand, was not so sure.  

    Something seemed wrong about sacrificing the present for a future that was not promised. She had lived for thousands of years, as rainbow fairy dragons do, and she would probably go on living for many thousands more, but that was not reason enough to avoid fun...even if it was for the sake of her future. [So she thought...]

--to be continued--

  (Gabriel & Isaiah, ages 33 and 2)

   The Great Big Spirit got irritated with people one day because of all their pooping on each other and not being nice, so he caused a very big wind to blow.  And it was such a strong wind that it caused the moon to flip upside-down, so the man in the moon god dizzy and sneezed.  On earth people saw that he was looking in the wrong direction.  The birds decided to fly upside-down so he would look right again to them. This made people turn their heads, and they all sneezed.  They sneezed so hard that the moon flipped back again to where it started out.  People were still not being nice to each other, so the Great Big Spirit took a nap.

  (Adam, aged 63)

    One day there were three little froggys and one was a tiny bit.  Then their mama was a tiny bit too.  They wanted to have something that was a surprise, but they knew that had to earn it, so they earned it: they were nice to everybody in the frog city. 

They loved their surprise, which made them happy. They had never had one before and it tasted good.  It was it!

(Isaiah, aged 2)

    The last time we went to the park it was beautiful, but this time it wasn't even there.  I have never done anything as difficult as going to a nowhere place; I am still not sure if I even left my house.  I thought I saw my friends, and that we had a good time, but I do not remember having woken up yesterday, let alone put shoes on! Something eerily similar happened when my sister who gave me snookers because, after all, I was an only child.

  (Gabriel, aged 33)

The storm is green and white

and left and right

and everywhere

and in the mine.

I love you.

You're beautiful. You're sweet.

I think you smell like flowers.

I think you know what you're doing.

(Isaiah, aged 2)

    Once there was a car that rolled down the hill in front of my house.  Most cars who rolled by had drivers, though, and while this one surely had a driver at some point, they were not driving it while it was rolling down the street.  Now that I think about it, it wasn't so much that the driver's side door was open that made me think it had a driver, nor the plain fact that cars didn't drive themselves (at least not those days); in hindsight, it must have been that poor guy running after the car, screaming at the top of his lungs for the car to stop. 

    Silly guy; cars never listen.

  (Gabriel, aged 33)